Do I see myself as other people see me? Do we/I ever know how other people see us? Most of us care too much about what other people think. We all spend our time and energy wanting to be liked. So I assume we try to second guess how other people would like us to behave. Then we expect to be liked. How many times have you/I said yes when we wanted to say no just to be liked? I have no idea how other people see me. I would like to be true to myself and to stick to my principles rather than act or speak just to be liked. You'd think at my age I had learned how to do this wouldn't you? So why was it such a shock to be told first of all that I was a depressive? I did deal with that I think. Then I was told I was judgmental. I am still working on that. Now I hear that I am neurotic.
Maybe I should add them to my profile or call this blog 'Ramblings of a Judgmental, Depressive, Neurotic.
mercredi 27 octobre 2010
mardi 26 octobre 2010
Writing Group
I have advertised the first meeting of my new writing group. I missed the book launch but went to the workshop of the ????.
I enjoyed the workshop and found it inspiring. I came away determined to set up a new group. There were only four of us which turned out to be good because we all got enough time to speak. We were three women and one man. I had toyed with the idea of setting up a women only group. Anyway as there was a man there I decided against and have just advertised it as 'a writng group'. If enough people turn up perhaps we could have two groups - a mixed and an all women's group.
As I have found in the past in a group of four or five people there is always someone who is part of the adoption triangle. So it happened again. Which reminds me I have not received a newsletter from NPN for months now and there was supposed to be a review of SW the next issue. It would be just my luck if the newsletter was finished.
I enjoyed the workshop and found it inspiring. I came away determined to set up a new group. There were only four of us which turned out to be good because we all got enough time to speak. We were three women and one man. I had toyed with the idea of setting up a women only group. Anyway as there was a man there I decided against and have just advertised it as 'a writng group'. If enough people turn up perhaps we could have two groups - a mixed and an all women's group.
As I have found in the past in a group of four or five people there is always someone who is part of the adoption triangle. So it happened again. Which reminds me I have not received a newsletter from NPN for months now and there was supposed to be a review of SW the next issue. It would be just my luck if the newsletter was finished.
Blogs
I have managed to access two of my old blogs. They made very interesting reading and I wish there was some way of linking all my blogs together and also of being able to give people one address so that they or I could log in and read the lot.
I find my past self is far more interesting than my present self and a much better writer. One problem about keeping up with my blog is that my old enemy time intervenes ad says, 'You should be writing your novel.'
Yesterday I felt so tired I slept off and on for most of the afternoon. eventually I dragged myself into the garden and did a couple of jobs I moved the sticks into the wood shelter to keep them dry and I cleared some of the nasturtiums. I felt better after that but then wasted yet another evening playing solitaire etc. How can I break this habit.
Two reminders here.
1) Plan to go out - swimming - cinema- anywhere but playing stupid games
2) Go to bed to read or write
DO NOT PLAY GAMES
I find my past self is far more interesting than my present self and a much better writer. One problem about keeping up with my blog is that my old enemy time intervenes ad says, 'You should be writing your novel.'
Yesterday I felt so tired I slept off and on for most of the afternoon. eventually I dragged myself into the garden and did a couple of jobs I moved the sticks into the wood shelter to keep them dry and I cleared some of the nasturtiums. I felt better after that but then wasted yet another evening playing solitaire etc. How can I break this habit.
Two reminders here.
1) Plan to go out - swimming - cinema- anywhere but playing stupid games
2) Go to bed to read or write
DO NOT PLAY GAMES
vendredi 22 octobre 2010
How I write.
I always thought I needed a room of my own and time - lots of time then I would be able to write. Now I have, not just a room, but a whole house to myself . And time- I am retired so what is to stop me from writing all day, every day?
I have no idea. It’s a puzzle. It is so easy too with a laptop which doesn’t have to be plugged in. I can even work in the garden. This seems to indicate that I have no problems. But I do. I am scared to begin because I can’t stop.
There is so much ‘life’ which has to be ‘lived’. And I am not just talking about mundane tasks like house work. There are the friends to be entertained, the meals not to be missed, the films to see, the concerts to attend, the gardens to visit, the dancing to do. And don’t mention the holidays.
But when I do begin I feel ‘in my body‘, truly myself. When I am not writing it feels as though I am acting out a role. My real being is floating above watching this person who is doing all of the above.
I have so many ideas when I get started that I feel my head will burst and I don’t know where to start. The internet adds to this. I follow link after link. For example this morning, I googled a writing course which led to a writer, which led to an interview. I had to stop. I saved it on favourites.
So I write as though the house is on fire and I have to finish before it burns down.
I have no idea. It’s a puzzle. It is so easy too with a laptop which doesn’t have to be plugged in. I can even work in the garden. This seems to indicate that I have no problems. But I do. I am scared to begin because I can’t stop.
There is so much ‘life’ which has to be ‘lived’. And I am not just talking about mundane tasks like house work. There are the friends to be entertained, the meals not to be missed, the films to see, the concerts to attend, the gardens to visit, the dancing to do. And don’t mention the holidays.
But when I do begin I feel ‘in my body‘, truly myself. When I am not writing it feels as though I am acting out a role. My real being is floating above watching this person who is doing all of the above.
I have so many ideas when I get started that I feel my head will burst and I don’t know where to start. The internet adds to this. I follow link after link. For example this morning, I googled a writing course which led to a writer, which led to an interview. I had to stop. I saved it on favourites.
So I write as though the house is on fire and I have to finish before it burns down.
vendredi 15 octobre 2010
doors and windows
How much we talk about doors and windows being metaphors for lifes opportunities.
Opening a door is taking a risk because we can't see what is on the other side. Not unless it has glass panels. Then is that a window?
Opening a window is easier. We can see through the glass but to go through is more difficult because we have to climb through and it could be too small or too high.
The best opportunities come in the form of French Windows because they are easy to pass through and we can see the opportunities clearly before taking a risk.
Years ago when I gave up my marriage, my house and my job I wrote that it felt as though I had climbed out of a garden onto a wall. I could see a whole world on the other side. I was running around the wall calling to Philip who was still in the enclosed garden. I described what I could see and asked him to join me but he wouldn't take the leap.
Looking back he was sensible and waited until he was financially secure and he retire early with a fat pension while I lived in a crumby flat on the dole.
Opening a door is taking a risk because we can't see what is on the other side. Not unless it has glass panels. Then is that a window?
Opening a window is easier. We can see through the glass but to go through is more difficult because we have to climb through and it could be too small or too high.
The best opportunities come in the form of French Windows because they are easy to pass through and we can see the opportunities clearly before taking a risk.
Years ago when I gave up my marriage, my house and my job I wrote that it felt as though I had climbed out of a garden onto a wall. I could see a whole world on the other side. I was running around the wall calling to Philip who was still in the enclosed garden. I described what I could see and asked him to join me but he wouldn't take the leap.
Looking back he was sensible and waited until he was financially secure and he retire early with a fat pension while I lived in a crumby flat on the dole.
mardi 5 octobre 2010
Success at Last
I have finally found out to delete posts. Hurray! So I have deleted all my short stories so that now perhaps I can enter them into competitions.
from old blog
Sunday, September 26, 2010interesting/ frightening
I am still confused. No matter how hard I try to sort out my blogs and my identity they become more and more confused. Who am I? Why is it so difficult to be one person. Is having multiple identities an illness? The problem is I am not really any of them. I am above my body looking down on this person who can't sleep, who wants to write, who wants to garden, to watch tv, to read. I am bored with reality.
Maybe this is just an excuse so that I can excuse myself from the mundane.
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 8:40 PM 0 comments Email This Blog This! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
Even more old blog
Wednesday, July 19, 2006What's in a name?
Quite a lot I think. I have been playing about with names partly because I was wondering if male authors are published more often than female authors and also because I am trying to choose names for the characters in my book. I can't keep on calling them he/him and she/her. Or maybe I'm just having another identity crisis. I usually move the furniture around it's not so drastic.
I am still confused. No matter how hard I try to sort out my blogs and my identity they become more and more confused. Who am I? Why is it so difficult to be one person. Is having multiple identities an illness? The problem is I am not really any of them. I am above my body looking down on this person who can't sleep, who wants to write, who wants to garden, to watch tv, to read. I am bored with reality.
Maybe this is just an excuse so that I can excuse myself from the mundane.
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 8:40 PM 0 comments Email This Blog This! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
Even more old blog
Wednesday, July 19, 2006What's in a name?
Quite a lot I think. I have been playing about with names partly because I was wondering if male authors are published more often than female authors and also because I am trying to choose names for the characters in my book. I can't keep on calling them he/him and she/her. Or maybe I'm just having another identity crisis. I usually move the furniture around it's not so drastic.
Organisation
Organisation is the thief of time so my son once told me. I am sure that there is an opposite saying which says that being more organised means you have more time.
I am finding that the more I try to file things in different categories the more muddled I become.
What about order comes from chaos? I am in complete chaos at the moment. I have tried to separate my writing by having different blogs. I tried to separate the novel I am writing into different sections. I have even tried to separate myself under different nom de plumes for writing and emails and face book and websites.
I am now totally confused and near to madness. Well that's nothing new.
OK so to begin to get some order or for the sake of sanity to clear my head this blog is now about writing and writing only.
I am finding that the more I try to file things in different categories the more muddled I become.
What about order comes from chaos? I am in complete chaos at the moment. I have tried to separate my writing by having different blogs. I tried to separate the novel I am writing into different sections. I have even tried to separate myself under different nom de plumes for writing and emails and face book and websites.
I am now totally confused and near to madness. Well that's nothing new.
OK so to begin to get some order or for the sake of sanity to clear my head this blog is now about writing and writing only.
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