Chapter 14

The Hospital

Lucy had threatened Rachael that if she went anywhere near the hospital she would never speak to her again. She had rung her sister Kate who had said the same thing. They both advised her to start divorce proceedings.

'Alright, alright I will but I have to go to the hospital. I have to see him and tell him face to face. Anything else would be cruel and cowardly,' Rachael had said. But secretly she held, deep down, a thought, a hope that also eased her guilt and fears. She prayed that this man who had tormented her, abused her and made her life a living hell would have changed. He would waken from his coma a new man. The guilt and fear would be swept away. He was her husband, the future would be a happy one in which the married couple of forty years, Frank and Rachael Wright would live happily ever after.

She considered for a whole day before making what turned out to be a momentous decision. So with a packed a suitcase which obviously meant that she would be staying some time, Rachael went back to her home town. Her lifelong friend Val would always make her welcome but would probably have the same opinion as her daughters. However she told herself that she had to make her own decisions. The first thing she wanted to do was to visit the hospital.

Leaving her cases in the car and filled with apprehension she walked timidly and slowly into the hospital. Filled with memories of all the years of abuse she saw a chair just inside the entrance and sat down. Her heart was racing. She felt dizzy.

I am going to faint she thought.

Am I doing the right thing she asked herself. Perhaps I'm wrong. Everybody had said so. Kate and Lucy had been adamant but deep down she knew that this was something that she had to do. She had to say goodbye. Leaving without seeing him one last time would be too cruel.

'I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it is the right thing to do,' she was talking audibly but in a whisper.

'Is that you Mrs Wright?' said a nurse who was just sneaking outside for a smoke.

'Are you alright? I haven't seen you for weeks. You know your husband has come out of his coma?'

Rachael tried to stand up but fell back down onto the chair.

'I'm OK,' she muttered. 'Just a bit dizzy.'

The nurse bent down and felt Rachael's pulse. Then she felt her forehead.

'I think we should go to the cafe and have a coffee and a chat Mrs Wright.'

The nurse seated Rachael at a table in a far corner.

'I'll get you a coffee or would you prefer tea?'

'Coffee is fine thank you, but I really ought to go and see my husband. I believe he has been asking for me.'

'He has Mrs Wright, but it wouldn't do if you fainted by his bedside now would it?'

Nurse Young returned with the coffees then said, ‘To be absolutely frank with you Mrs Wright I was hoping to speak to you before you saw your husband. I do know a little about your past-- I mean your marriage. I believe – well let's say Mr. Wright wasn't exactly the ideal husband, was he?'

Rachael was about to say, 'What has it got to do with you', but she felt dizzy again and almost dropped her cup of coffee.

'Look Mrs Wright, might I suggest that you do not go into the ward on your own. I am afraid I can't go with you, but wouldn't it be better if one of your daughters or perhaps a friend would come with you.'

'Neither of my daughters would come. They are both very angry with me and said that they never want to see me again even though I pleaded with them. I mean he is their father.'

'I am sorry to hear that. I will walk with you to the ward, and I will explain the situation to the nurse and doctor on duty. I am sure someone will accompany you. Now I don't want to hurry you, but I have already over stayed my break.'

When they reached the ward the same doctor who had admitted Frank was there and in fact he had visited him practically every day.

'Hello, Mrs Wright, would you like to come into my office. I do need to talk to you before you see your husband.'

They went into the office, and he sat behind his desk, took out some notes then looked up and said, 'Good grief Mrs Wright you look as though you are going to faint. Sit down.'

He left his chair and walked round his desk, felt her pulse and took her temperature.

'Do your feel dizzy Mrs Wright.'

'I-I-I don't know what I feel,' she stuttered.

'Look, I know this has been an ordeal for you, but you really seem unwell '.

'Please tell me about Fra-- I mean my husband.'

'First of all, I must ask some questions about you.'

'I am OK I just want to see my husband.'

'I know, I know but it is important that before you do I ask these questions. You see I have been looking through the hospital records and it seems that you have been hospitalised a few times with unexplained injuries. Do you remember these injuries? Can you tell me what happened to you?’

Rachael began to shake then she burst into tears. The doctor leapt up and gave her a box of tissues.

'Take your time Mrs Wright. There is no hurry.'

He went to the door and asked a nurse who was passing to bring a glass of water for Rachael. When the nurse came back with the drink the doctor asked her if she could spare the time to sit with her while he continued.

The nurse sat by Rachael and held her hand.

'You see, the thing is we are concerned because of what happened in the past might continue in the future if ---'

Rachael sobbed even louder. The nurse put her arm around her.

'Don't worry Mrs Wright. I think we know what happened in the past and we want you to know that you are safe here.'

The doctor began to explain by saying that Frank was now out of his coma and would be discharged in a few days and that he would still need some care. '

'How do feel about that Mrs Wright?'

Rachael fainted.

Chapter 15

 

Chapter 15 1697

Rachael opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.

'Where am I? ' she thought. Then she said it again out loud. As she sat up she saw a nurse sitting by her bedside who told her that she was in hospital.

'Am I ill? Have I had an accident? Why am I in hospital? I don't feel ill.'

'Can you remember your name?'

'Of course. My name is Rachael'

'And your last name?'

'I'm not sure .'

'I think you are married,' said the nurse. 'You are wearing a wedding ring.

Can you remember your husband's name?'

'I am married? I suppose I must be if I am wearing a wedding ring. So I have a husband? '

'Do you know my husband? ' she asked the nurse.

' I don't want to upset you Mrs Wright but---'

'Is that my name? You know my name. Why do you know my name and I don't? Why am I here. If I am married where is my husband?'

The nurse was out of her depth. She had never dealt with such a complicated problem before. She did know about Mrs Rachael Wright and Mr. Frank Wright. She knew about his accident but also his past violence to his wife. It seemed now that Mrs. Wright was protecting herself from her horrific memories and they were horrific. The nurse knew that she had been hopitalised a number of times.

'I think I have to ask the doctor to come and explain to you about your husband's situation.'

The nurse left the room to find the doctor to explain about Mrs Wright. The doctor told the nurse that Rachael had family and friends so it would be prudent to try to contact someone to come to the hospital to talk to Rachael and perhaps help her to remember.

She quickly returned and began asking Rachael more questions.

'Do you have children Mrs Wright?'

'I am not sure. I think so but I can't remember. Why am I in hospital? Have I had an accident? Why can't I remember anything? Do you know where I live?'

'I am trying to help you remember. I think you have two daughters and we have their phone numbers. Would you like me to ring them for you? The problem is that they don't live locally so I think it would take some time for them to get here.'

While this was happening the doctor was ringing both daughters. Their phone numbers were in Rachael's file because she had given the hospital her daughters' phone numbers when she had stayed with them; firstly with Kate in Chamonix and then Lizzie in London.

Before Rachael could answer the doctor came into the room and said,' I hope you don't mind Mrs Wright but I have phoned both of you daughters. Do you remember you have Kate who has a hotel in Chamonix in France. You stayed there recently. Also I phoned Lizzie who lives in London. Lizzie is unable to come before the weekend but she suggested that your friend Val who lives locally would come to see you. Perhaps she will be able to help you recover your memory. Do I have your permission to phone your friend. Lizzie has given me her number.'

'Well of course if you think it will help but isn't it an imposition asking someone to come to the hospital to help me. I mean what if I don't remember her.'

Doctor Ramanov reassured Rachael that this would be fine and it would certainly be the best way to help her to recover her memory.

So Val was contacted and as soon as she was informed of the situation she hopped into her car and arrived at the hospial in less than an hour.

Val was shown into the room where Rachael was lying and feeling confused and frightened.

'Hey Rach, what's all this about. You know me don't you? We've been friends and colleagues for years.'

Rachael sat up and stared at Val. She was bemused.

'I am really sorry. Val is it? I can't remember anything. I don't know how I got here. I don't know why I lost my memory. Nobody seems to think that I have been in an accident. They tell me that I have two daughters but I can't remember them. Do you know my daughters?'

'Yes I do. You went to stay with Kate in Chamonix and you even went sking...'

' I can ski?'

'Yes then you went to live with Lizzie in London. You got a job teaching.'

'I am a teacher? You seem to know so much about me. Do you think you know why I have lost my memory?'

Of course Val knew why Rachael didn't want to confront the truth about the past and she would be terified of Frank emerging from his coma and beginning to abuse her again.

'You are a teacher and perhaps we can – well it might be possible---- I'll ask the doctor if it would be wise for you to come home with me and --'

'I would like to get out of this place but it seems such an imposition when I don't know who you are.'

'I will go and talk to the doctor and see what the situation is.'

Val had a long conversation with the doctor. She told him that she knew the past history of her friend and Frank her husband.

'I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think she is terrified of him coming out of his comma. Her daughters begged her not to come back to the hospital but she said that she wanted to tell him in person that she wants a divorce.'

'Personally, I think that you are correct. Perhaps the best thing would be for her to recall her past slowly but she must not be left alone. Are you able to take care of her until her daughters arrive?'

'Certainly'.

'Will you also let me know if or when she begins to remember. I feel that in my capacity as Mr Wright's doctor I am treading a tight rope. I should keep Mr. Wright informed about his wife and vice versa.'

'You can't tell that --- ' Val wanted to say 'that bastard' but said instead 'that man anything about his wife. He'll stop at nothing to find her and ---'

'I am aware of that but there are certain protocols----'

'Sod protocols doctor. He will kill her if he finds her.'

Val stormed out of the doctor's office.

Val found Rachael and said, 'Get your things. Let's get out of this place. They left the hospital together, found Val's car and drove to Val's house.

When they arrived Val's husband came to the door to meet them. 'This is Dave my husband, ' said Val. 'I expect you remember him.'

Rachael looked and felt embarrassed and said, 'Sorry.'

Dave started to speak, 'Surely--'

But Val quickly stopped him and put her arm around Rachael and lead her to the sitting room.

'Make yourself comfortable Rachael. I'll go and put the kettle on.

Now let's just relax and have a nice cup of tea. Dave, see if you can find some biscuits.'

In the kitchen while they were waiting for the kettle to boil and Dave was looking in the cupboard for biscuits he said, 'I bet if we show her the video she'll soon remember.'

'Don't be stupid we have to be careful. She has obviously erased the violence of that swine of a husband. We have to wait until Lizzie arrives from London. I wonder if she can go back to her job. Wouldn't it be wonderful if she never regained her memory and just carried on teaching and playing music. She might meet someone and ---'

'And what ? Now who's being stupid Val. Perhaps we can help her to recover her memory and--'

'Maybe we can persuade her to divorce the bastard,' said Val. 'Why the hell does she want to see him. The doctor said that he is out of his coma and they are going to send him home.'

Rachael had come to the kitchen and was standing in the doorway and listening. She heard that her husband was out of his coma and that the doctors were going to send him home.

'Are you talking about my husband, was he in a coma? What happened to him? Is that why I can't remember? Were we both in an accident? Send him home? Send him home? Where is my home? Why can't I go home? Do you know where I live? Will you take me to my home maybe I will remember if I go home.'

Val and Dave were dumbstruck. Val felt like crying. She looked at Dave and said,' What shall we do?'

Val and Dave managed to placate Rachael by saying that the doctor had told them that the reason she had lost her memory was because she must have had a very bad shock and or there was something that she wanted to forget.

'What on earth could that be? Do you know what it is Val? Aren't you my best friend? You seem to know everything about me.'

Val was lost for words. She knew. Of course she knew but she didn't want Rachael to find out about Frank. What was the alternative. Could Rachael spend the rest of her life not knowing who she was, not knowing her daughters.

Dave jumped in to try to help the situation.

'Did the doctor tell you that you have two daughters. You remember your daughters don't you? '

Rachael looked puzzled. 'Do they know that I have lost my memory?'

'Well it's hard to say. I haven't spoken to them but I believe the doctor has contacted them and asked them to come to the hospital.'

Then Val butted in, 'I know, why don't we ask them to come here and then perhaps they will take you to your house.'

'So when will they be here? '

'Well Lucy lives in London and Kate lives in Chamonix. I believe the doctor said that Lucy will come this weekend but obviously it will take a little planning for Kate to come from France.'

'What on earth is wrong with me. I can't remember my own daughters and they both sound so interesting. Do they know I've lost my memory? Do you think that they will know why I have lost my memory?'

Harriot Beecher Stowe

 Harriot Beecher Stowe 

Who to choose or should that be whom to choose?

Sometimes in meetings or dinner parties or staff rooms when the conversation revolved around new curtains or fitted carpets or even someone's new car I, in my pomposity would try to introduce as I thought more interesting topics. One was ,"How many coutries are there in Africa?" Few people knew. Most guesses were way off the mark. I also  asked who wrote "Uncle Tom's Cabin"?  The answer I frequently got was Mark Twain. As I am sure that in this room you all know that it was Harriet Beecher Stowe.

This leads me to my first mini biography. 

I went to an all girls’ Grammar school and have often wondered throughout my reading life why many of the interesting world changing women never featured in my education. ‘They’ say that we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before. I never knew and still don’t who ‘they’ are but here is one woman writer and  activist on whose shoulders we are standing.

She was a woman of tremendous insight, wisdom and compassion. She had six children, ran a large household, campaigned tirelessly against slavery and after her husband’s death supported the household financially by her writing.

In 1850 an act was passed which mandated that the slaves who escaped to freedom in the North be returned to their masters. Stowe was outraged and she was moved to write Uncle Tom’s Cabin or Life Among the Lowly. It was first published as a serial in an abolitionist newspaper, the National Era. Her aim she said was to hold up in the most lifelike and graphic manner possible, slavery in all its reverses and changes.

Unlike the modest reception anticipated by Stowe the book was a publishing phenomenon. In 1852 the year of publication 5,000 copies sold in two days and 20,000 copies were sold in less than three weeks. Estimates say that three million copies were sold in the United States and it was translated into many languages. When ‘Uncle Tom’s cabin’ was first published it sold more quickly than any book ever printed except the bible. 

She was recognised at the time. Longfellow wrote, ‘How she is shaking the world with Uncle Tom’s Cabin…..Never was there such a literary coup-de-main as this.’ The English historian Thomas Macaulay called it,  ‘the most valuable addition  America has ever made to English literature.’ Tolstoy considered it the highest achievement of moral art and put it on the same level as  Les Miserable and  A Tale of Two Cities. Theatre stages were flooded with dramatisations and continued to be performed until 1930. It was the first American best seller. Puritan prejudice which considered fiction as worthless entertainment was changed. Uncle Tom’s Cabin was used to convince the legislators of the evils of slavery. Abraham Lincoln referred to her as, ‘The little lady who had made this big war.’  

So what changed? The book moved millions but it seems that the overt appeals to emotion and it’s political message caused it to be labelled propaganda and was therefore considered of little merit. I have also heard the arguments that it is now considered racist because of the stereotyping. But her aim was to open peoples eyes to the evils of slavery and this she achieved in a forceful way.

Jane Tompkins in the Heath Anthology of American Literature calls it ‘the most powerful book written by an American’. So, why has it not come down to us as an American literary classic? Could it possibly be that it is because she was a woman? What a pity, no what a tragedy, that it has been excluded from classical literature.

Harriet was more than the woman who wrote ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’. 

‘The Life of Harriet Beecher Stowe’  was written in her life time at her request by her son Charles. He was able to use her letters and journals so she considered it to be autobiographical. In it we learn of the active life she lead, of the campaigns she fought and the interesting people of her time with whom she corresponded, George Elliot for example.  

Quotes

If women want any rights they had better take them, and say nothing about it 

Women are the real architects of society.

 "Common sense is seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be."

"Most mothers are instinctive philosophers."

Introverts and Extroverts

 Introverts and Extroverts

 Introverts are often better observers of other people than extraverts, even though extraverts rely on their relationships with others in order to feel that they exist. 

I have owned this book for many years, but it was a while before I really grasped the many useful messages it contains. If you get nothing else from this book other than an understanding that introverts can be sociable and extraverts can be shy, you are likely to find yourself with a vastly increased sense of what makes different people 'tick' - yourself included - and why one man's emotional meat is another man's emotional poison. This can be particularly helpful in a world busy focusing on extravert preferences - open-plan living and working spaces, constant action, suspense, thrills and horror in popular entertainment etc., etc.. Our brains are wired up differently from each other, and it is helpful to recognize that the external stimulation which enables extraverts to thrive can easily challenge and overwhelm the senses of the introvert - however well-balanced s/he is. The converse is also true - if you want to stress an extravert, keep him/her out of social contact, and away from busy activities, lots of sensory stimulation and new environments.

The psychologist Dorothy Rowe saw introverts and extroverts  as two different ways the human mind protects itself and stays alive psychologically. Her core belief:

“Every human being has one primary fear: the fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist as a person. We all build a structure of meaning to keep that terror at bay. Extroverts and introverts simply build that structure in opposite directions.”The extrovert’s terror is silence and emptiness. The introvert’s terror is noise and intrusion.”

An extrovert feels real when others are responding. An introvert feels real when no one is demanding a response.” Neither is better. Both are attempts to solve the same problem: how to go on existing when everything inside us knows we will one day die. She repeatedly stressed:

Trying to force yourself to live the opposite way is one of the fastest routes to depression.

The work is not to become more extroverted or more introverted; the work is to stop being frightened of what you actually are.  I have found that introverts always know what is the most important to them but many extraverts do not, usually because they find it difficult to distinguish what they do from why they do it.…

She’s clear that: ‘Either we are “people persons’, who judge ourselves in terms of how others respond to us, or we are ‘what have I achieved today?’ people.”We all know (regardless of personality) about the value of thought leadership. The blogs and articles most of us share are those that speak with authority and expertise.

They’re the ones that really add value (another overused phrase, but again, for a reason). Self-promotional fluff, written in a hurry, simply isn’t heard above the online noise.

That’s not to say that extroverts only write self-promotional fluff. Of course, there are many outstanding, valuable articles written by extroverts.

It’s simply that an introvert is less likely to get caught up in self-promotion and more likely to take the time to think ‘what use is this to my audience? What value will they gain from it?’. That builds real, deep trust that is hard to shatter.