Reflexion on rejection

  "Can I have a cuddle," I asked my mother. I was aged five. "No. You are too old for that now."

I didn't argue. I didn't cry. I didn't turn to my sister or brother. I accepted it. I was too old for cuddles now. I have no idea if I would have been a different child if cuddles had been allowed. What I do remember is a feeling. I felt that I was surrounded by space. I was alone and I was in this huge space. 

That of course was a very long time ago but I frequently relive that feeling when I feel alone. The remembering leads to my acceptance of aloneness. I survived then and every time I feel alone I know that I am not dependant on anyone else. I can do it alone.

I do not take criticism well. I rarely offer my work to be read by others. I hate criticism. I have occasionally offered my work to be evaluated like a kind of exam with assessment of factors marked out of 10 or 20. Interestingly I rarely agree with the comments.

I think about publishers and competitions logically. Publishers are inundated with work and their objective is to publish something which will make them money. They choose a work which they can promote so that it sells millions of copies. So for the one work which is accepted hundreds go in the trash can. I am not saying that the rest are rubbish but that they can only publish a limited number a year so the rest lose out. It is like a lottery; win a few, lose millions. 

Competitions are slightly worse. We know that thousands enter all kinds of competitions and there are often only three winners. First,  second and third and occasionally a few runners up. If you win a competition it does not mean that you will get a publishing deal. Prizes are usually monetary and sometimes a place on a prestigious writing course. 

So Trying to get a work published or winning a competition is logically like winning the lottery. It is a number's game. It is said that one has more chance of getting runover by a bus than winning the lottery.  I suppose for writers the odds are marginally better.

So rejection. Am I sensitive to rejection? Of course I am. I can deal with it but why subject myself to it when the odds are against me?

Do I still write? Yes I do. I write three blogs. I write for myself. It helps me to get my thoughts in order, to work out problems and I write out opinions. One blog is like a diary. You may ask what is the point of them if no-one else reads them. The answer is that I read them. Occasionally when I haven't written for a while I read earlier posts. I am always surprised how interesting I find them. I know that they wouldn't interest others but they also give me an insight to my thoughts on certain issues.  Occasionally they have spawned a letter to a magazine, Mslexia for instance. Letters which have been published without being judged or rewarded with a prize but just ideas that have been shared.