Spinning a Yarn The Tortoise Family

 The Tortoise Family.

 It was a small family consisting of Mother and Father and a teenager called Tommy. The  family I am about to tell you about  were very adventurous. They longed for a change as they had lived in England for a very long time. So after a family discussion it was decided that they would emigrate, emigrate to Australia.

They knew that this was a huge undertaking and that it would take them a very long time to get there. Of course the main reason it would take a long time was as you all know tortoises walk very slowly. The route that they were obliged to take was under the ocean. The family had discussed long and hard about the adventure and they decided that before embarking on this momentous journey they would need to go to a café to have a pot of tea.

Fortified by the tea they set off. They plodded on for years. Tommy complained frequently that it was taking too long but his parents jollied him along with images of the wonders of Australia and how it would all be worth it in the end. After three years Tommy complained bitterly and almost persuaded his parents that they should return to England. However his father explained that as they were half way there it would be foolish to turn back they might as well carry on with the journey. So they did.

When they arrived in Australia Mother tortoise said she was disparately in need of a cup of tea. So they found a cafe and ordered a pot of tea. Father poured out three cups and mother tortoise went to pay. 

"Oh my,oh my oh my", said Mother T. "I can't find my purse. I must have left it in the café in England. Tommy you will have to go back and get.  Please Tommy there's a good lad."

Tommy took a lot of persuading but he finally agreed on one condition. "OK, " he said, "I'll go if you promise me that you won't drink the tea till I get back."

Mother tortoise was reluctant at first but thought that it was really important to have her purse.

Tommy set off. Mother and Father thought about Tommy frequently. They realised that it was huge undertaking for the lad. They talked about him all the time.  "He'll be well on his way now," said Mother after three years. "Ay," 

"He'll be tired now", said the Father after seven years." But at least he'll be finding your purse Mother and soon be on his way back."

"I hope he won't be too tired on his return journey, " both parents frequently thought.

After 14 years the conversation went like this.

He'll be here today  - Father.

I am dying for this cuppa, but I am glad we waited cos I really need my purse.

Sure Tommy will be wanting his tea too.

The day drew on. He'll be here any minute now.

 Can't be long now it's getting late. Oh I am so thirsty.

Do think he will be here today.

I can't wait any long ", said mother lifting the cup to her lips.

"I KNEW YOU'D DO THAT SAID TOMMY APPEARING FROM BEHIND THE DOOR. SO I DIDN'T GO.

Spinning a Yarn The Moth

 The Moth

It all began on the day of my son's wedding. i received a phone call from my best friend Val. She was in tears. "What on earth is wrong," I asked. 

"You have to come." she said. "You won't believe me if you don't see for yourself." 

I went to her house in spite of the fact I was already in a panic about the wedding arrangements.

"Come in. Come upstairs you'll never believe it."

"So you keep saying what on earth is it?"

'It's your fur coat," she said. "I know I said it would be safe in my wardrobe but---"

"Has it been stolen, ? " I asked. 

"No, Look ," she said flinging open the wardrobe door."

"OK, I am looking. I can't see my coat.  I can see an empty hanger."

"Yes but look on the hanger.

Oh my God, is that a giant moth.? Not only a giant moth but a talking giant moth.

" I keep saying I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can do. It was so tasty and after the first nibble or two I couldn't stop."

"You mean you have eaten to whole damn coat?  That was for me to wear at my son's wedding."

If you can think of anything I can do to make it up to you. I'll do anything.

If you have eaten a whole coat you must be the best devourer of clothes ever. i don't suppose there are such things as moth eating competitions.

Well yes there are but I have never entered one said the moth. 

I well you are going to now. I said. Now come along with me.

So it began. There were monetary prizes for the winners. There was also a great deal of betting. My husband soon got into the whole moth eating comps after the first shock of learning what had happened to my fur coat. 

The first competitions were small, taking place first of all in villages then towns and then counties.  We were getting quite rich. There was the all England one then the European championship.

Of cause when we heard about the World Cup we became very excited. The moth was getting fed up by now as money was no use  to him and  he agreed to enter as long as we promised that it would be the last one. 

We had become very greedy too and my husband insisted as this would be the last one he mortgaged the house and put all the money on our moth to win. 

It was a three day competition. The first day was disappointing. Our moth just sat on the starting line saying he was tired but he would soon catch up. The second day was the same. No matter how much we pleaded saying that we would lose the house and all our savings.

The moth just remained on the starting line motionless. At the end of the third day  when all was lost my husband was raging and I was crying. We've lost everything. what are we going to do?

The moth looked up and fluttered a little and the he began crying really crying and balling.

Spinning a Yarn Woolworth's

 Once upon a time

It was a dark and stormy night

Woolworth's

I am sure that you all recall when there was a Woolworth's in every town. Remember how they were all laid out the same. The counters were oblong enclosures with a server installed in the middle next to a till and surrounded by the goods. 

I was a Saturday girl in Tunstall when I was about 15 or 16. I had  a test which involved what one might call shopping sums. Most of it was easy but it ended with a long addition which I am sure I got wrong. I was never very good at mental arithmetic. 

After a time I was promoted to the sweet counter. I knew it was a promotion without a pay rise because the manager was very serious about what was expected of me. She ended her explanation with a warning. "If ever you are caught eating it will be instant dismissal," she said. This didn't stop the girl on the next counter from bending down and almost crawling unseen to steal a handful of salted peanuts which were also by the sweets and my domain.

One day in the school holidays when I wasn't working in Woolworth's I went shopping in Hanley. I needed some white socks for school and thought obviously the best place to buy them would be Woolworth's. I found the sock counter quickly and purchased just one pair of white ankle socks. They were to wear when I played tennis, otherwise we had to wear grey knee length socks. Can you imagine young teenagers of today wearing grey knee length woollen socks.

So I paid for the socks and was surprised that the girl behind the counter handed them to me with out a bag. You may remember that goods in bags in Woollies was proof of purchase. "I am sorry," she said. "But I haven't any bags left."

I thought it would be OK  and put them in my shopping bag, and didn't want to argue as I was in a rush to get the bus home so I walked very quickly almost running to the door which I supposed made me look suspicious. The floor walker stopped me at the door. I can't remember whether he was in uniform or not. I think not because I was surprised and not a little frighened of this burly man demanding to look in my shopping bag.

He took out the socks and accused me of stealing asking, "Why are they not in a bag." I was terrified but managed to  say that the girl on the sock counter had run out of bags.  He sort of frog marched me to the counter and  asked the girl on the counter if she had served me and why hadn't she put the socks in a bag. I saw immediately  that it was a different girl.

"Oh you are looking for June? Sorry she has just gone on her break."

"Come with me," said the man and almost dragged me up stairs and pushed me into an empty room saying, "Now wait in there. I'll sort this out." and he closed the door. I sat down and looked around at the bare walls. I felt like crying and then I felt angry. "I have done nothing wrong and he is treating me like a criminal." 

"I am not staying in here, " I thought so I jumped up and tried the door intending to leave but it was locked. I walked away from the door and noticed that there was a window. I tried the latch and guess what? It was unlocked. "Right," I thought, " I'll get out of here before he comes back." So I dragged the chair over to the window, stood on the chair pushed the window open wide climbed up onto the ledge leant over to look down thinking that this is easy when horror of horrors back comes the man, and would you believe it? He grabbed my leg and started to pull it. Just like I am pulling yours.