Hilary dropped the shopping on the kitchen table with a thud. Stooping to unbuckle Ben from his pushchair she noticed a pile of washing on the floor that she had meant to put into the machine. She called to Jeremy her four year old, who was running into the lounge ‘Be careful or you’ll trip over the …’
‘Aaahh, wah,’ cried Jeremy.
‘Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.’’
‘Quack, quack,’ said Ben who thought she’d said duck because he was still wearing his balaclava.
‘Hello, hello, hello. What’s going on here then?’ said Gwen, entering via the back door and heaving her sixteen stones onto a kitchen stool. ‘Sounds like some magical chant to me. I would be careful if I were you those things can get you into trouble.’
Hilary laughed, ‘The bad fairy must have been at my christening and cast a magic spell. My life is crap.’
Gwen picked up Jeremy who was still whining. She kissed, cuddled and made cooing sounds in his ear. He continued to cry. She slid him a chocolate biscuit.
Bending down to feed the washer Hilary thought that everything in her life, even inanimate objects, required her to satisfy their hunger.
‘So where is my handsome prince? He’s leaving his entrance a bit late.
Do I have to do something to break the spell, like perform a daring task?’
Gwen slide her sixteen stones off the stool and carried it across to put the kettle on. She lived next door and often came to help Hilary.
‘Daring task? Wasn’t getting pregnant and giving birth enough?
‘Very funny. Like, oh I don’t know. Like they did in fables of yore.’
Who Needs a Prince?
‘No you’ve got that wrong. The heroes went on missions. The heroines were more sort of done to,’ She mounted the stool again.
‘Well don’t I have to kiss or rub something?’
‘I’ve kissed and rubbed ‘til I had chapped lips and an aching wrist but it’s done nothing for me. I’m still sleeping with a frog.. He used to call me his little princess would you believe?’
The following silence was broken by the whistling kettle and the children asking for drinks.
Hilary made the boys warm blackcurrant juice while Gwen dismounted and made coffee.
‘Looks like we both need a bit of magic. I need to lose some weight and you want a partner.’
‘If we hang around waiting to be done to, I don’t see how we can achieve anything.’
‘I’m all for changing the rules. What do you say to making up our own ?’
‘Like what?’
‘We’ll go on a quest. What we need first is an old woman collecting firewood. She’ll give us our first leg up so to speak.’
‘You’ve been reading too much Terry Pratchet. OK what have we got to lose.’
Gwen couldn’t think where they would find such a person being ten miles from a park of significant size never mind a wood.’
‘I know it sounds silly,’ said Hilary, ‘but what if we hang around a hard ware shop; they sell bundles of sticks. We could wait until an old lady comes along to buy some then offer to help her.’ ‘Sounds crazy to me but I’m game. No time like the present and if it doesn’t work Who Needs a Prince?
I’ll treat us all to lunch in Cheapway’s.
They parked the car then walked up and down in front of the hardware shop keeping an eye open for any female who looked over fifty.
‘It’s a good job it’s not a jewellers or they would think that we were casing the joint,’ said Hilary.
‘That might be a better idea, the jewellers I mean. We could go in and ask to see a tray of rings.’
‘What then?
‘Rub them of course.’
‘Look! There she is, the one with the purple rinse.’
‘I thought she was supposed to wear a shawl. I’d wear anything to cover hair that colour.’
‘She’ll do for me. Excuse me. Those sticks look heavy. Would you like me to carry them for you?’ ‘How kind. What a change to be offered help instead of almost being knocked over by thoughtless teenagers. There are more in the shop that I’ve paid for if you wouldn’t mind. My car’s just here.’
Gwen reeled backwards when she saw the amount of sticks that she had offered to carry. ‘Oh well in for a penny in for a hundredweight.’
Hilary was too occupied to help as she was trying to reign in the boys who wanted to join in the stick moving.
‘Careful, you’ll get splinters,’ she said but thought what a mad idea it had been to go on a mission.
‘Now then, one good turn deserves another,’ said the old woman when all the sticks Who Needs A Prince?
were safely stowed in the back of her estate car. ‘What do you say to a spot of lunch on me?’
Jeremy and Ben who had been quiet until now started whining. Jeremy was hungry and Ben wanted a pee.
‘How kind of you to offer,’ said Hilary let’s get into Safeway’s before these two drive me potty.’
When they’d all been to the toilet and were comfortably settled at a table with their lunches Gwen said, ‘Leave that seat for the ------. Where’d she go.?
‘That’s her going through the exit doors,’ said Hilary. ‘She left this poster. Shall I run after her?’
‘What’s this,’ said Gwen taking it from Hilary. ‘What does it say?’
She read aloud,
‘Assertiveness Training for Women Only,
Tuesday 17th May at 3.00pm
in
The Village Hall
Crèche Available
Come along and find out what you really want.
Learn how to ask for it.
Find out how to be independent and
feel comfortable in your own body
in a safe and supportive atmosphere.’
‘Could be better than a Charming Prince. What d’you say? Shall we give it a go?’
