Letters and Comps

I have just realised that my vision for writing is too narrow. I send articles and letters and short stories to just two magazines and one website i.e. Writers' Forum and Mslexia and Writespace.
 So my New Year's Resolution is to buy different mags and enter a wider variety of comps in the hope that I shall be rewarded with success. Of course the aforementioned mags are not going to print my letters on a regular basis are they? When they have published one or two they will look for different subscribers to print.

Letter to Mslexia

I had forgotten that I sent this letter to Mslexia  which surprise surprise they did not publish!  Oh yes they did see blog Jan 11th!
Re-Viv Groskop's Standing Room Only (issue 47)


I hate phrases like ' hairy feminists' and 'strident women' especially when used by women.
Come on let's tell it like it is. Look at the facts. How long did it take us to get this far in the battle
for 'equality'? Which by the way doesn't mean 'the same' and it has been and still is a battle for many women.
It has taken from the begining of time for women to be allowed to keep their own earnings, own property and have rights over their own children.
Do you really think we have achieved equality in less than one century?
Why have women found it prudent, often necessary to write under a male nom de plume?
Of course we need all women events for women writers. Why do we have to be so apologetic about it?
I found my own voice in an all women's writing group and was drowned out in a mixed group.
My confidence has been achieved over many years with the help of all womens' groups.
When will women who think that they have never been oppressed realise that the reverse is true
for most of us?
What is wrong with being called a 'woman writer'? For me that is a positive. I want to read books written by women writers.
I spent too much time when I was young reading male writers whose work, to be honest, bore no relevance to my experience.
What a relief it was to discover Doris Lessing, Virginia Woolf and Germain Greer to name a few.
And while I'm on my hobby horse what is wrong with 'misery memoirs'? How many times have I heard it said there are too many?
Well don't read them but remember that the women who do and the women who write them benefit enormously because guess what? Thousands of women have miserable lives.
I don't like so called thrillers or detective stories. I can't find anything entertaining about the murder of a woman (and it usually is a woman) but that doesn't stop thousands being written and millions being sold. And dare I say mostly by men.
So I for one am pleased that all women events are on the increase. And of course they will be fun but not because they have to be VIv but because all women together do have fun but oh my god they will be much much more.
I am proud to be recognised as a feminist and I never forget that women died so that I could vote.
Is this talking to the converted in Mslexia? I hope so.
Oh and by the way Viv, it was a woman who said, ‘ If there’s no dancing at the revolution I don’t want to go.’

Reply

I tried to reply to the letter but couldn't keep it short enough for a letter. Here I go again wanting to write an article. Anyway here are the notes.

Comments on Comments

I do not know what it is like to be a man. I do not want to try to pretend to be a man. I spent 30 years reading books written by men. I was delighted to discover the world of women’s literature. I felt validated.
Mslexia means women’s writing (ms = woman lexia = words). Its association with dyslexia is intentional. Dyslexia is a difficulty, more prevalent in men, with reading and spelling; The good news is that, like dyslexia, mslexia can be overcome. That’s what this magazine is about: exploring the causes of mslexia - and suggesting some cures. So what is it that men have, that women need, to become noted authors? Virginia Woolf’s famous prescription was ‘money and a room of one’s own’. Mslexia’s prescription, gleaned from historical, psychological and social research - and a few specially-commissioned surveys of our own - is slightly different. The three things that male writers have, that woman writers need, are: time, confidence and a fair reading

Dear Mslexia,

An email from Mslexia. Ooh maybe my writing has been accepted. Oh no. Not this time. Still it is nice to get a letter with the judges comments. Or is it?
Comment: Women’s lives are about suicide, adultery, murder, desertion and divorce.
Me: Isn’t that not only sad and depressing but also a tragedy? But the first step in changing is recognising the truth and we have to keep telling it like it is until it changes. Do you want us to write the same old Fairy Story’s about Princesses and Frogs?
Comment: The majority of submissions were written from a woman’s point of view! (‘I don’t believe it!’ said Victor Meldrew.)
Comment: She (the judge) would have preferred to have read about a broader selection of protagonists including men and children. Why not try writing from a different point of view say a male.
Is this really from Mslexia? Better check the website. So I re-read the mission statement which informs me that ‘Mslexia was created to address a difficulty, more prevalent in women, with getting into print.’
And the article, ‘Three cures for Mslexia’ by editor Debbie Taylor which ends with: ‘There’s no time to waste wingeing. Stick with Mslexia and we’ll help you all we can.’
There’s no hope for me then. Here I am wingeing and guess what? I do not tend to write from the point of view of a woman. I am a woman. So write from a woman’s perspective. Even if I pretend that I am a man I can only write from the point of view of a woman.
I subscribe to Mslexia because of all the reasons stated in Debbie Taylor’s article and your mission statement but if your advice is for me to write from a male point of view or you would like submissions which do not reflect the truth of our lives then say so in your competition guidelines.

Yours very puzzled and not a little disappointed,

Letter from Mslexia

Thank you very much for your Departures submission. Unfortunately it has not been selected for publication on this occasion.

There were more entries than usual on this theme, so the competition was pretty fierce. It was a theme that seemed to set off lots of associations and – in the words of our New Writing Guest Editor, Amanda Craig – ‘expressed the great roar of discontent that lies at the heart of too many women’s lives’. So stories and poems about loss tended to predominate, with many submissions about suicide, adultery, murder, desertion and divorce.
The majority were written from a woman’s point of view. Not surprising, perhaps, but it was something our judge commented on as a potential problem. She would have preferred to read about a broader selection of protagonists, including men and children; and characters from a wider range of social backgrounds. So if you are someone who tends to write from a female point of view, that might be something to bear in mind strategically for future submissions to Mslexia! Speaking personally, I have always felt invigorated whenever I have experimented with writing from a male point of view.
Having said that, our judge found many of the submissions truly dynamic and moving; so much so that developing a longlist proved unusually problematic. In the end it was often the use of language that tipped the balance: Amanda felt that some stories would have benefitted from being read aloud, then edited again, paying close attention to the rhythm of the sentences. In this respect the poetry tended to be more successful. Amanda also appreciated the more tangential approach many of the poets took to the theme.
We’re sorry not to be able to discuss individual details of your submission, but you can read the full text of Amanda’s essay on the judging process in the January issue of Mslexia. Unfortunately, some excellent submissions had to be rejected in order to create a balance of contrasting items. It may be that yours was left out because it had exactly the same subject matter or concept as a slightly stronger piece of work. Then there is always the question of space: we have room for fewer than 13 pieces of new work in each issue.
Thank you again. We look forward to receiving more submissions from you in the future.
Best wishes

The Rite of Spring Part 1

Old Woman Versus Young and Beautiful

I was looking for comps for older writers and found that a new one has just been launched by the same people who launched the Orange Prize.

I am tired of reading about the marvellous beautiful young women who are top of the best sellers. Sourgrapes? Perhaps. Even though older people have much more to write about which seems logical to me publishers want someone who is going to be a professional writer for years and provide them with many bestsellers. and why oh why does a very famous Writers’ mag publish huge photos of young beautiful writers? Sometimes two of the same person in the same issue.

Crushing Critics

In recent issues of WF there has been a great deal of praise for critics. This has surprised me because my experience has mostly been negative. I do agree with hdbzu (July )
I hate to be criticised. I know, I know as a writer I should be open to it - take it on the chin and all that. But I can’t. It hurts. It depresses me and what’s more it does not improve my writing. In fact it paralyses me so that I can’t write at all. I write short stories and used to fork out the fiver for the critique but I can’t take it so I have stopped.

So whose fault is it? I know my work isn’t perfect and could be improved. But I want kind, helpful advice that I can take on board, not a damning, destructive axe job. The most irritating and unhelpful comments are those which reveal the critics personal baggage and have nothing to do with the work.

‘How to’ books, articles and courses abound on topics like ‘How to write a novel’, ‘How to publish your book’, ‘How to write a synopsis’ and ‘How to learn to proof read’ but I have never seen one with the title ‘How to be an Effective Critic’. So can anyone tell me where do these critics spring from? What is their back ground? How old are they? What is their experience? These are all the things I want to know before I pay.

Who are the people who set themselves up to critique other writers work? Surely most readers judge a novel or a short story from the point of view of, was it well written, was it easy to read, was it enjoyable, was it a good plot, and was it an interesting story. I found that I was not even getting these basic assessments. More and more frequently the critic seemed to have personal issues or problems which resonated with the story line. For example one story which was about a mother and daughter relationship the critic said, ‘I don’t understand why daughters are horrible to good mothers’. In another story about an abused woman the comment was, ‘Why didn’t she get her self off to a women’s refuge?’

I want answers to the following questions from a critic who is qualified to make these judgments and not someone who wants to make a quick buck:

a) Is the writing of a good standard? b) Does the story line work?

c) Are the characters well drawn? e) Are the scenes well drawn?

f) Are there any howlers? g) Is the story well paced?

h) Is the dialogue realistic/appropriate?

It seems to me that some people set themselves up as writing critics without the necessary abilities. If I ever pay for a critique again I shall want to know their credentials.

So can we have an open discussion about this and perhaps some articles. And dare I say some criticism of the critics but better still recommendations with explicit reasons for the recommendation. Who are the Critics?

PS I was able to take advice from one critic and one only. She helped me to write my book. Vanda Inman www.writespace.co.uk

Editing and Proof Reading was the Biggest Problem when I Self Published

I am Immensely Proud But Partly Ashamed of My Book. If you thought it was difficult writing the book then try self publishing.
For me the three most problematic aspects of the process were:
1) Editing
2) Proof Reading
3) Marketing/distribution
I had some experience in these areas as I was a desk top publisher for some years albeit on a very small scale. I know how difficult it is to proof one’s own writing so before I committed myself to the deal I paid for a professional edit which I thought would also cover the proof reading. I thought it would be money well spent. I received my edited book on a CD corrective programme which I found very confusing. However I persevered and went through the whole book many times accepting and refusing the corrections. I copied the final version onto a new CD, chose a publishing option and sent it off with my cheque and waited.

Whose fault was it that it took two years? Each galley I received contained errors. (A galley is an on line proof of book. No I didn’t know the term either before I began the process.) Sometimes they were my errors and sometimes the publishers.

On top of this frustration I had ongoing problems with internet access and not to mention that some correction letters went missing in the post.

I was entirely satisfied and delighted with the very first galley of the cover. In fact it was the vision of this being on sale with my work inside that kept me going.

Finally, after five edits, I received a proof copy of my actual book. Nothing compares with that initial thrill. It felt good, it looked good but, oh dear, it still contained mistakes. I took a deep breath and dived into my diminishing bank account yet again and resubmitted.

I then received six copies of the final version. I gave copies to friends. They were complimentary, that is, all except one, who was reluctant to tell me, that yes, it still contains a mistake. And no it is not buried deep in the text, it is on page one. I missed it, all my other friends missed it and most of all the editor to whom I paid a fairly large sum missed it and it is a real clanger. What shall I do?

I still have the third difficulty to deal with - promotion. The book is now on Amazon and on display in Waterstones. I feel ashamed to be advertising it but I am not sure that I can afford a resubmission.

I could run a competition and award a prize to any reader who spots the mistake. What do you think?

Why I Self Published

I was thrilled to find a proof copy of my self published book and a copy of Writers’ Forum on my return from a weeks holiday in Tunisia. The WF contained a number of articles about self publishing which were very pertinent to my experience. Firstly I had ticked all the boxes as laid out in Alison Bavistocks Quiz in WF.
I did want to get it out of the way. I had been writing and editing it for years. I dare not say how many but I have moved house 3 times and my grandchildren are now adults. It was taking up far too much of my time and head space. I wanted to at least spend more time in my garden.
I knew that it did not fit into a genre and certainly would not make mega bucks for a publisher.
I did know however that some people would be interested in my experiences of adoption, depression and caring for an elderly parent. I know this sounds dire and I hate the category Misery Memoirs that has been created. Writing it helped me to see the funny side of what can be depressing circumstances.
I am almost 70 so obviously I would not be a new talent so submitting to a publisher would just be a waste of my time and theirs.
I know something about sales distribution and promoting a book. I was a desk top publisher for a decade. I published a very small book on local history every year. I knew the sales would be limited. The clue was in the title ‘local’. I became the promoter, distributor and sales person. It was time consuming and involved much foot slogging. I only did this because the author historian was passionate about our town as was I.
I sold them mainly through newsagents on sale or return and two of the large book stores agreed to buy a few. The books sold well but we always made a loss. This was for two reasons. Local history meant that sales were limited to the locality.
The second reason astounded me and still leaves me open mouthed. This will apply to all books published even if distributed nationally. It is this.
I approached a national chain with a request that they stock it in their local store on a sale or return basis. They agreed but wanted to take 50 per cent of the sale price. This left the other 50 per cent for the writer, the publisher, the proof reader, the printer and the distributor.
So yes I know that I shall not make any money even if I get to the end of this long journey. As I said at the beginning I received a proof copy. I have already made five galley edits. This is the first proof copy and it contains some real clangers. It has taken 2 years since I first contacted the self publishers and I dare not tot up the finances.
I shall persevere. Why? Because believe me I can’t describe the thrill (and as a writer I should be able to) I felt when I held that printed copy in my hands.

Party Behaviour

I completely disgraced myself at a friend's birthday party by sounding off about the bankers, capitalism, and then challenging someone who made a throw away remark about people with learning difficulties.It's not the first time I have 'been serious' at a dinner party when people just want to have a 'good time'. I refused invitations for a long time because I couldn't trust myself to keep my big mouth shut.
I am pretty sure I won't get invited again for a long time if ever.
I do feel guilty about my life style. I am lucky. Do I have to learn not to judge other people?
But I really can't bear to let people get away with being misogynist, racist or homophobic.
And I will always stand up for socialism especially when I am faced with millionaires.
I haven't decided about computers. They do enable communications. But isn't there something about the manufacture that is iffy?
I have tried to be an ostrich but you know what they say, 'When you know, you can't not know'.
Now I have to negotiated xmas without compromising my principals and without offending friends.

Is the blog working?

I don't seem to have any problem with ideas at the moment. In fact I am really enjoying writing my novel. Ideas come as I write and it feels as though someone else is writing it. I am  surprised daily at the turns it takes. I hope the writing group takes off because I want to read it out at the meetings as I write it.
 If not I should like to find someone else to work with.
BUT I don't have time to write my blog.

Writing Group

Today was the first meeting. I didn't expect anyone to come as I had messages and phone calls from five people to say that they would come next time.
I had an interesting morning talking to Penny. I even read the beginning of my new novel.
I decided to have a book signing in January. So I shall have to buy some books.
I also thought that an article in the Hebdo would be a good idea.

Grief

I am weighed down by grief. How heavy it is. I can barely move. Will it ever go away?
I have two grandchildren approaching thirty. I have a new grandchild of a few months. I put the baby photo on the office of my laptop. It was so pleasant at first. Each time I logged on I felt close to this baby that I had not met.
Then he became the likeness of my son who was adopted and died aged twenty seven years ago.
Now I have removed the photo because I can't bear the memories. What am I doing to myself I ask. Erasing the photo hasn't helped. I tried to putting up a photo of him with his a parents. In  the only photo I have of him with his parents he is crying. That was even worse. The photos have gone but the image is in my head and I can't stop crying. Will it ever get better? I think not. If only I could take time out and grieve. But there is always something pressing to be done and I have no energy to do it because grief is heavy. It really is a burden.

Seeing Ourselves As Other People See Us

Do I see myself as other people see me? Do we/I ever know how other people see us? Most of us care too much about what other people think. We all spend our time and energy wanting to be liked. So I assume we try to second guess how other people would like us to behave. Then we expect to be liked. How many times have you/I said  yes when we wanted to say no just to be liked? I have no idea how other people see me. I would like to be true to myself and to stick to my principles rather than act or speak just to be liked. You'd think at my age I had learned how to do this wouldn't you? So why was it such a shock to be told first of all that I was a depressive? I did deal with that I think. Then I was told I was judgmental. I am still working on that. Now I hear that I am neurotic.
Maybe I should add them to my profile or call this blog 'Ramblings of  a Judgmental, Depressive, Neurotic.

Writing Group

I have advertised the first meeting of my new writing group. I missed the book launch but went to the workshop of the ????.
I enjoyed the workshop and found it inspiring. I came away determined to set up a new group. There were only four of us which turned out to be good because we all got enough time to speak. We were three women and one man. I had toyed with the idea of setting up a women only group. Anyway as there was a man there I decided against and have just advertised it as  'a writng group'. If enough people turn up perhaps we could have two groups - a mixed and an all women's group.
As I have found in the past in a group of four or five people there is always someone who is part of the adoption triangle.  So it happened again. Which reminds me I have not received a newsletter from NPN for months now and there was supposed to be a review of SW the next issue. It would be just my luck if the newsletter was finished.

Blogs

I have managed to access two of my old blogs. They made very interesting reading and I wish there was some way of linking all my blogs together and also of being able to give  people one address so that they or I could log in and read the lot.
I find my past self is far more interesting than my present self and a much better writer. One problem about keeping up with my blog is that my old enemy time intervenes ad says,  'You should be writing your novel.'
Yesterday I felt so tired I slept off and on for most of the afternoon. eventually I dragged myself into the garden and did a couple of jobs I moved the sticks into the wood shelter to keep them dry and I cleared some of the nasturtiums. I felt better after that but then wasted yet another evening playing solitaire etc. How can I break this habit.
Two reminders here.
1) Plan to go out - swimming - cinema- anywhere but playing stupid games
2) Go to bed to read or write
DO NOT PLAY GAMES

How I write.

I always thought I needed a room of my own and time - lots of time then I would be able to write. Now I have, not just a room, but a whole house to myself . And time- I am retired so what is to stop me from writing all day, every day?
I have no idea. It’s a puzzle. It is so easy too with a laptop which doesn’t have to be plugged in. I can even work in the garden. This seems to indicate that I have no problems. But I do. I am scared to begin because I can’t stop.
There is so much ‘life’ which has to be ‘lived’. And I am not just talking about mundane tasks like house work. There are the friends to be entertained, the meals not to be missed, the films to see, the concerts to attend, the gardens to visit, the dancing to do. And don’t mention the holidays.
But when I do begin I feel ‘in my body‘, truly myself. When I am not writing it feels as though I am acting out a role. My real being is floating above watching this person who is doing all of the above.
I have so many ideas when I get started that I feel my head will burst and I don’t know where to start. The internet adds to this. I follow link after link. For example this morning, I googled a writing course which led to a writer, which led to an interview. I had to stop. I saved it on favourites.
So I write as though the house is on fire and I have to finish before it burns down.

doors and windows

How much we talk about doors and windows being metaphors for lifes  opportunities.
 Opening a door is taking a risk because we can't see what is on the other side. Not unless it has glass panels. Then is that a window?
 Opening a window is easier. We can see through the glass but to go through is more difficult because we have to climb through and it could be too small or too high.
The best opportunities come in the form of French Windows because they are easy to pass through and we can see the opportunities clearly before taking a risk.
Years ago when I gave up my marriage, my house and my job I wrote that it felt as though I had climbed out of a garden onto a wall. I could see a whole world on the other side. I was running around the wall calling to Philip who was still in the enclosed garden. I described what I could see and asked him to join me but he wouldn't take the leap.
Looking back he was sensible and waited until he was financially secure and he retire early with a fat pension while I lived in a crumby flat on the dole.

Success at Last

I have finally found out to delete posts. Hurray! So I have deleted all my short stories so that now perhaps I can enter them into competitions.

from old blog

Sunday, September 26, 2010interesting/ frightening
I am still confused. No matter how hard I try to sort out my blogs and my identity they become more and more confused. Who am I? Why is it so difficult to be one person. Is having multiple identities an illness? The problem is I am not really any of them. I am above my body looking down on this person who can't sleep, who wants to write, who wants to garden, to watch tv, to read. I am bored with reality. 
Maybe this is just an excuse so that I can excuse myself from the mundane.
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 8:40 PM 0 comments Email This Blog This! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
Even more old blog
Wednesday, July 19, 2006What's in a name?


Quite a lot I think. I have been playing about with names partly because I was wondering if male authors are published more often than female authors and also because I am trying to choose names for the characters in my book. I can't keep on calling them he/him and she/her. Or maybe I'm just having another identity crisis. I usually move the furniture around it's not so drastic.

Organisation

Organisation is the thief of time so my son once told me. I am sure that there is an opposite saying which says that being more organised means you have more time.
I am finding that the more I try to file things in different categories the more muddled I become.
What about order comes from chaos? I am in complete chaos at the moment. I have tried to separate my writing by having different blogs. I tried to separate the novel I am writing into different sections. I have even tried to separate myself under different nom de plumes for writing and emails and face book and websites.
I am now totally confused and near to madness. Well that's nothing new.
OK so to begin to get some order or for the sake of sanity to clear my head this blog is now about writing and writing only.

Short Stories

I thought I had deleted all the short stories from this blog after reading that stories that have appeared on a blog are not eligible for competitions. However I have just found that there some remain. I cannot find the time to remove them as I am writing a new novel.
I am struggling with the order and getting more and more muddled. I am writing a mystery and want to leave clues but don't want to give away the ending. It is difficult to keep multiple story lines running without it seeming disjointed.

writing and reading from old blog

Thursday, July 20, 2006
War Past and Present

I began reading a book about the history of American Indians but found it too painful to finish. I finished reading the book about Michel Thomas whose life was extraordinary. Being a jew in Poland as a child he knew racial hatred and living in France and Germany during the second world war he suffered indescribable pain. After the war he became a innovative language teacher. He proved over and over again that his method worked but until his recent death was shunned by academic institutons the world over.
Being a pacifist I have always avoided 'war books' although I well remember the spate of 'we worn the war and enjoyed fighting' films that I saw as a child. I was born at the begining of the war and the loudest message I picked up was that we the Brithish are goodies and we are fighting the baddies the Germans. I watched a lot of films in the crap cowboys and indians genre. Same message. White man good, redskin bad. The Michel Thomas biography informed me very clearly about many aspects of the political manoeverings before during and after the war of which I had no idea.
Both books left me depressed and feeling powerless. I can't change the past. But the big problem is that we should be able to change the present. I look around the world and see the same arrogant cruel oppression. Men killing other men women and children. And somehow we've managed to persuade some wome to put on uniforms. That is something else I learned early on. It's OK to murder if you are wearing a uniform as long as you stick to the rules and if
'we' make a 'mistake' (euphemism for killing civilians) all's fair in love and war. What it really means is: Those with the biggest far reaching deadliest weapons of mass destruction can use the worlds resources. You (the other) can have just enough to keep you working to ensure that we benefit from you countries natural resources. If we can invent machines to take you place watch out 'cos then we won't need you at all.
I spent 20 years fighting a personal battle. I spent 20 years anti-war campainging in the wider sense. Now every day in my little paradise I hear jets fly over and wonder why, why why, does it have to be like this? And how did so many people get conned into believing it's a religious battle? and will it ever stop? and is there anything I can do about it?

posted by Victoria Wild @ 7:23 AM

Is identity connected to madness

Sunday, September 26, 2010 interesting / frightening
I am still confused. Now matter how hard I try to sort out my blogs and my identity they become more and more confused. Who am I? Why is it so difficult to be one person. Is having multiple identities an illness? The problem is I am not really any of them. I am above my body looking down on this person who can't sleep, who wants to write, who wants to garden, to watch tv, to read. I am bored with reality. I can't be a mother or a granny.
Maybe this is just an excuse so that I can excuse myself from the mundane.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 What's in a name?
Quite a lot I think. I have been playing about with names partly because I was wondering if male authors are published more often than female authors and also because I am trying to choose names for the characters in my book. I can't keep on calling them he/him and she/her. Or maybe I'm just having another identity crisis. I usually move the furniture around it's not so drastic.

writing/publishing

I am going to Congleton Writers' Circle next week and thought it would be a good idea to buy some books to take. I cancelled the order when I realised that the postage was not free as it had indicated on the page.
But how can I expect to sell signed copies if I have none to sell.
Maybe I should concentrate on my book about Brittany.
I am enjoying blogging more now that I have satisfactory designs.

reminder

Yesterday I went to another marathon meal in the Salle de Fête. We started at 11.00 and at 5.00 when I left out of sheer boredom we still had not had coffee. This is just a short note to remind me to write more about this later.

Design

I am really pleased with my new design and now I must write more. I have been reading a lot lateley and think it should improve my writing. I have just read Vanda's short story comp 'The Lie'. I feel my writing falls short of the standard that this comp attracts. Must try harder!

time again

I bore myself talking about the lack of time and now I have the added problem of lack of energy. I have always suffered from tiredness. I read an article which called it TTAT=tired all the time syndrome. That felt about right for me. A lot of it in those days was psychological- holding down anger-suppressing real feelings-hating life. Sometimes that remains true but now I have the added problem of age/aging.
No matter what I do I always feel that I must hurry as either there is somethiong more pressing to do or that I will not have a successful day ie complete sufficient tasks to feel satisfied.

Senses

'Life is a tragedy to those who feel
and a comedy to those who think.' Philip Larkin
I know I feel too much. Life is a tragedy to me. I can never remember names of film stars or directors or authors or often even people I've met. But I remember how I felt when I was watching the film or reading the book or talking to a person.

Identity

I am sorting out my identity. At last! I am Jean Wild writer and Fleure Sauvage poet and photographer. Well that is today because I have been awake all night in an undecided state about everything so I have to think clearly and make some decisions. How can I do that if I don't know who I am? So this is my writing blog. I AM A WRITER.

Recent activity

I really must sort out this blog and get rid of those short stories. Today I have written an article for doesn't which if it doesn't get published, I shall turn into a short story. I also sent a letter to writers' forum about biogs and cvs as follows-- I started to prepare an article for a magazine. I read through the submission guidelines for the umpteenth time. ‘x no. of words plus a CV and brief biog’ How on earth can I write a brief biog? I am 70 and I haven’t written a CV since - well- let’s use a cliché - since Adam was a lad? What do they want, a record of my education? Remembering my school and college days brings forth a hazy mist. A list of career placements would be too long and boring for them as well as me. But I really wanted to submit the piece. So, to say I settled down in front of the computer would be lying. I forced myself to open a new document and began the impossible job of remembering parts of my life I had long forgotten and considered unimportant. At the first attempt I spent a couple of hours dragging through my past and decided it was taking too long and I would have to leave it for another day. After all a career of 55 years takes long enough to think about let alone write down. After the third attempt I decided that they really wouldn’t want to know all this stuff about me and anyway I thought why the writing can’t speak for itself. If it’s good enough it’s good enough, what does it matter where I went to school. But by then I became quite impressed with myself. I realised that although I probably wouldn’t send all these details of my life to the editor of said magazine, I had led an interesting life and had some successes. Now I shall submit my piece with more confidence but with a greatly edited version of my original CV and biography. So, my advice to writers who are facing a crisis of confidence is - Start a File. Record in it all the details of your life, education, courses, jobs successes and any achievement however small. Then whenever you are losing confidence run through all your successes to boost yourself image. And of course, whenever you need to provide ‘Brief biog and/or CV it’s there at the click of a button. Jean Wild, France

Samedi 17/07 2010

There is no refuse collection in the Bretagne countryside, so no dustbin man. We have to take our rubbish to the nearest decheterie or the nearest group of bins which are strategically placed near to groups of houses. At the decheterie we can sort the rubbish as there is a bottle bank. There are different bins for magazines and papers and plastics and general household rubbish. I went to the decheterie this morning and saw no-one on the way there. On my return I passed a sans permit being driven by a friend in the village who is one of six sisters. Then I stopped and allowed a cyclist to pass. She almost fell off waving to let me know she knew me. There are lots of male cyclists and there are some female cyclists, but they are usually on what I call ladies shopping cycles. I don't know much about bikes, but I remember these. They are the ones that the ladies in the Cheshire town I knew used to shop. The town had no hills in fact it was completely flat. The bicycles had a large basket in front and a rear rack to hold the shopping. I also remember the chopper. I remember these because they came in just as my brother bought a cycle shop. I was allowed to manage it for about 3 months. I tried to stock choppers but there were none available from the manufacturers which was Raleigh. Racers were popular also but mainly for boys and men in cycle clubs. I bought a 2-wheeler for my son, and he was too scared to ride it eventually we bought him some stabilisers which he refused to remove. We visited my sisters, and he rode his cousin's bike without thinking and then he couldn't wait to get home to take the stabilisers off his bike.

Flexing the Muscle

All the writing advice tells us to flex the writing muscle daily so for the umpteenth time I resolve to do that. My problem is I forget where I do it. After so much trouble with laptops and computers and phones and printers maybe it has all settled down at last including my toothache. The dentist removed the nerve a few days ago.
So, what about getting old.
I do not want to wear purple or spit in the street. I want to do much more interesting things than that. That is why I moved to France and tried to learn French. So here I am living in France and finding learning a language gets harder as one gets older but hey, I am doing it. I am part of the commune, and I am dancing and playing music; I am swimming and walking. I am going to BBQ's. I am writing for the local paper. I even manage to paint from time to time. I am bored with old people. The ones who say I'll be xty in July and expect you to say, 'Oh really, you don't look a day over xty!' They seem to think that all one needs to do when growing old is to look younger than one's age. That's just sour grapes because I grow wrinkles by the hour, and I hate mirrors because I don't find myself in there. Sometimes I see my sister who was 10 years older than me but died aged 57. Sometimes I see my mother who died aged 93. That should be a comfort if I live as long as her. My neighbour here is 100. She still lives alone and sings and tells jokes at local meals without a crib sheet and without spectacles.

photo of me

No more stories

since stories in blogs are considered to have been published and are therefore not eligkble for competitions no more stories here but I can continue to blog my babble

Forgetting

I often think that blogging is a time waster but when I go back to read my old posts I find myself quite interesting is that egotistical?
Anyway apart from the fact that I often forget how to get into them I am going to make an effort to write more.

"How interesting I find myself." Virginia Woolf

First Try

I hope all these blogs work.